A Hard Day

I was tired today - as I have been a lot lately. I have seem to have lost some energy and I have a feeling why. I don't sleep well - the slightest thing will wake me up and I will then lie awake for hours hoping to fall back to sleep - getting more agitated by the moment.

I am not eating right - I feed the girls first around 5:30pm and we (or me alone if Andy is working late) usually get around to having dinner after they go to bed. I used to love cooking - now it just seems like a chore. I rarely fix myself something healthy if he's not here because I am dead tired. Frozen meals - cereal - sandwiches - low hassle.

I need to get my act in gear. I need to lose a lot of weight (that's a whole other post in itself). I need to start moving. I lay awake at night promising myself that I will do an exercise video the next day (we get them free through our cable service) or take a walk after the girls go down. When the time comes - utter exhaustion comes over me. The girls occupy my every thought and breath and they not only physically exhaust me - but mentally, too. Don't get me wrong - I absolutely love being home with them and I feel lucky that we can afford this - I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just have days now and then when I feel like I am going out of my mind.

I look at some of my friends with envy - they seem to have so much energy. Their homes are beautiful - they cook - they DO things. I know that once I start exercising my energy will increase. I hope so.

I joined a new blog group: OSB, which stands for Operation Skinny Bitch. :) I am hoping that being part of a group of women who have the same goals as me will help.

I apologize if this was a downer post - but it is a real one. Thanks for listening.


Audrey Lois said...

Thanks for your openess and honesty! On a side note, you may want to have your thyroid checked out. Your grandmother developed a thyroid problem and I have two daughters with a thyroid problem. One day at time! I wish you the best with your new support group!!!!

Darla said...

Get up and get moving! Sorry no sympathy here. I have always been small size 6 or 8 then! I was put on medication and was tipping the scales at 200!!! I hated myself, slow, sluggish and sloppy. Start walking, the more you do the more you will feel like doing, energy makes energy!!! I'm pulling for. I have on a size 6 today and have kept the wait off for going on 7 years now....YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

Darla said...

See all of those spelling errors!! Gee Whiz!

Beverlee said...

This, too shall pass. You are entitled to a bad day! I appreciate your candor.

Kerry Marie McG said...

Be healthy. Don't be a skinny bitch. It's just the same thing going in the other direction!

Anonymous said...

Rose,You have the right to be exhausted. You are taking care of two beautiful, active 2 year old girls who are probably winding down on their nap time. I remember those days also, especially the days when my main accomplishment was being able to see the living room floor. The good news is that as they get older, they will amuse themselves more and be more independent and you will be able to get back to more of a "pre-twin" cooking/cleaning schedule because you can do more things while they are busy. Telling you to get up and get moving is a strange comment, because you are up and moving...which is why you are exhausted. These years do go by too quickly and then you worry because they're 17 and driving, so you're back to not sleeping, but for different reasons. You're doing a great job. Just keep looking at those two beautiful faces and remember that......Andrea